I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize