69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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