apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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