before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I did not marry a roomba.
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