if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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