And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
