atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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