it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
