dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
