I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
