Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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