he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
