I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
