That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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