Can i not drive my cunt home
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
