That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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