God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
