Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
