Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
