on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
