How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
