So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
