from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Be still, my beating vagina.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
