Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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