I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize