I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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