can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
