I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
