textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
