Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
