the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
