i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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