Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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