this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
