if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
