He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
