I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
