if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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