how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I need moral support for this bender
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
