We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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