the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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