connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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