Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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