I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
