woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
