I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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