4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
