Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
