I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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