doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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