my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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