you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
