I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
