she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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