Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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