do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize