trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I pour the whiskey from now on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
