the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
