She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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