I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
