I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize