i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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