i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
