Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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