Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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