I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
